ka-cheesy-han
Monday, September 26th, 2005I feel like writing a long entry. I came across two things that I would like to share here. I’m already warning anyone who will bother to read this that this entry will be cheesy, full of hopeless romantic shit and awfully long. Wahehe! The first thing I want to share is this article a classmate in Psych 101 shared in class. Each student is required to share any article of his/her choice in class. When it was my day to share I couldn’t decide between a speech delivered last graduation ceremony in UP or my choice quotes from ‘Five People You Meet in Heaven’ so I reproduced copies of both for my classmates. Anyway, a classmate shared excerpts from her favorite books. There’s a line from ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’, some entries from ‘Crowded Words’ (I’m not sure whether this is a blog, an article or a book), an insight from Bob Ong and excerpts from Glass Slippers. The wonderful excerpt I’d like to share is from the last book. It made me sigh a couple of times during my MRT ride home this afternoon. Here it is…
I feel like I’ve been holding my breath for 13 years. Since the very first time I looked into a little boy’s eyes and felt the world revolve without me. He was an altar boy and I was sitting on the front pew because Grandmoo was hard of hearing. I was fidgeting, bored with the sermon of a priest I now only remember as Father Jabba the Hut. Unable to follow my childish urge to roam, I let my eyes wander around the church, to look for a distraction. They found him. That was good enough for me. He was sitting up on the altar, in his pristine white smock and neatly brushed hair. He was unmoving as of his life depended on being still, and yet, somehow, he managed to catch my eye and to hold it down… with a smile. It was a slow, steady grin that rocked my itty-bitty world. I knew I was never going to be the same again.
We spent the rest of the mass playing visual tag and running around peripheral visions. Catch me looking at you. I dare you. The pious old ladies disappeared, along with the wooden statues of saints and angels. They were just blurred images seen through clear glass windows while I rode shotgun in a speeding vehicle driven by change. As the strains of Ave Maria echoed in the church, we build childish impressions of love and loving that I would search for, for the rest of my life.
Final rites came too fast and too soon. Go in peace, the priest said. I turned to my altar boy one last time, maybe, to say a goodbye that would never materialize. Because he looked at me. Didn’t smile. Didn’t speak. Didn’t wave. He just looked at me in a way that no one ever has before. And, I held my breath for what seem like forever because I fear that if I didn’t, my heart was going to cry out and wake the sleeping God.
I’m still holding my breath. Waiting for someone to make me feel the same way I did that night. Waiting to be reinvented with one look. One smile, one touch, one kiss. Waiting to discover worlds within me that I couldn’t reach alone… without a guide.
Waiting… waiting to exhale.
***
Haayy… isn’t that just moving? It’s so poignant that I felt every word. I felt what the character was feeling and what the writer was trying to convey. ( Well, at least I think so) Haayy…I felt gloomy, miserable and yet happy and hopeful at the same time. Hala! Schizo! Wahaha! It made me wonder what’s taking my own altar boy so long. It made me realize now, more than ever, how much I want to feel what the writer described. I want to be reinvented and I want to find that someone who will guide me in my discovery. I want to be happy. I felt gloomy and miserable because just like her I’m still waiting… waiting for what seemed like forever. I want to take the breath she took and have the one who caused that to be with me as I exhale. Haay… but then again, the optimistic me butted in my melancholy and cheered me up with the thought that HE will come. My altar boy will come… sooner or later he will… and it will be wonderful. It will be worth the wait. I’m still young anyway and I have my whole life ahead of me. No need to rush things. No need to be impatient. I might just stumble and get hurt if I run after something blindly without caution. Obviously, I’m just making myself feel better here. Wahehe! Howel… I hope I find my altar boy soon… or better yet, I hope he finds me. =)
The other thing that I want to share is this koreanovela I caught on GMA 7 around 6pm. I was just channel surfing when I chanced upon this series with that guy from Lovers in Paris and Stained Glass, he was Gerry in the latter. I don’t know his name (whoever remembers those actors and actresses’ Korean names anyway) and I actually didn’t like him in Stained Glass because I was rooting for the other guy, Kevin (which reminds me, I used to write about that series here when I was still watching it avidly), but I checked it out anyway. I watched for just a few minutes and before I knew it, I was already crying. Wahaha! I tuned in right on time just as the guy was to deliver this dramatic-super-cheesy-hopeless-romantic line that clutched my heart. I’m sorry but I’m really a sucker for guy characters who are wonderfully great and who offer unconditional love but are put in unrequited love situations. You know those I-love-you-you-don’t-love-me-but-I’ll-just-be-here-for-you-no-matter-what-loving-you-with-all-my-might guy characters. Waaaahhh!!! It’s one formula I just can’t resist. I easily cry when watching movies or series with that theme. Haay… anyway, enough of my blabberish introduction. So the scene was like this, the female lead, I didn’t catch her name (Who by the way, was far from good looking. Aren’t she supposed to be gorgeous? So that it will be justified that she is being pursued by two wonderful men. Anyway, I’m being discriminatory here, I’m sorry.) was in some kind of a bridge and looking all defeated. The lead guy, David, was apparently picking her up and being the knight in shining armor of the damsel in distress. The few lines that I caught were these: (These are not verbatim quotations so bear with me but I think you’ll get the idea)
Girl: Ayoko na… maghahanap na lang ako ng ibang lalaking magmamahal sakin… ayoko sayo… bakit ka pa nagpunta dito? Dapat hindi ka na nagpunta hindi kita mamahalin kahit na anong gawin mo.
David: Alam ko… wag kang magaalala, hindi na kita mamahalin… hindi na kita gugustuhin… Isipin mo na lang na isa kong puno na nagbibigay ng lilim… na puwede mong silungan. Isang punong walang pakialam kung sino man ang sisilong sa kaniya. Pag nainitan ka o napagod… puwede mo kong masilungan… simula ngayon hindi na ko si David, isa na kong puno. (and a single tear falls down his cheek but his still smiling to the girl)
I know, I know… This will cause some people to gag to death but what can I do? I was touched. I felt sympathy and pity towards the unfortunate guy. I wish he could just be loved in return. I wish he could receive the same kind of love that he is willing to offer. Hay naku! In-SG ko na naman! Why do I let things like these affect me! Wahaha! Basta! I wish every person who will truly love will be loved in return. That way, no one has to be miserable because of unrequited love. Everyone who is honest in loving will be happy. But that could only happen in a perfect world. And that is a world that exists only in dreams. In reality, we have to learn to accept failure and rejection. We can only hope that the person we will learn to love will learn to love us as well. Or at least we can try to make them learn to love us. We can actually try to make it happen but not all are lucky to succeed in that endeavor. Haayy… I just wish I will be one of the lucky ones..
