:: Something fishy ::

WAAAAHHHH!!! ibang level!!! ang gwapo ni lei!!! eeeiiiieee!!!! hahaha! talagang lei daw ang tawag eh! dun na kasi ako nasanay! vic zhou vic zhou pa! wag na! lei na lang mas madali! ahehe! anyway, ayun na nga! i was flipping through channels when i came across this series with lei and shanchai in it! aysus! Looorrdd!!! ANG GWAPO NI LEI!!! he looks way better in that series than in meteor garden. payatot niya kasi sa meteor eh! dun broad shoulders na sha… his face looks more matured… his acting greatly improved… may emotion na kasi yung character niya… grabehan talaga!  even though i have absolutely no idea of what the characters were talking about because it was in chinese, wala! pinanood ko pa din! inintindi ko na lang through the actions! at buti na lang talaga at may pagakamaaksyon ito and i think i have a fairly good grasp of the story! pero feeling ko lang yun! haha! pero ang pinakaimportante… ang gwapo niya!!! hay… feeling ko yung yung "God Mars" na series nila that i saw on the internet. hay… isesearch ko nga yun ulit! sana ipalabs na yun dito! i can’t wait!!! anu ba yan! pansin ko lang, lately puro na lang ako "i can’t wait" ah! haha! it means lagi na lang akong naghihintay lately! aysus! ano ito??? i’m a waiter ganyan? i mean, waitress pala! aheheh! corny!!! *toinks*

jong and i had a loooong phone conversation last night… we talked until past 3 am… tagal na din namin di nag-uusap sa phone… but i guess last night really called for it. ang galing nga eh… kasi she called to confide about her current dilemma… at tamang tama din naman.. i, myself, is in a personal crisis. we both really needed it… to sort each other’s thoughts with the help of a friend… sometimes it’s really better to seek second opinion about your personal take on things… it enables you to see things in a different perspective through a different set of eyes. and i just couldn’t think of anyone better to talk to last night than jonnah. at least i know, with her, i can be totally honest and without reserve… without fear of being judged… i know we can laugh at each other’s  mistakes, imperfections, stupidity, paranoia, twisted ideas and humiliations without laughing AT each other. it really helped to talk to her. and i think it is the same on her part. we laughed, we cried (anu ba yan! i’ve been crying for two consecutive nights!), we scrutinized possibilities and tried to be rational without letting our emotions get over ridden. after all that, it really just boils down to one simple thing where all the complexities of our dilemma take roots: our pursuit of happiness. hay… Loorddd… guide us… I’ll pray for us… I’ll pray for Jong… since in her case i already know what to pray for. ako kasi sabog pa eh! anyhow, despite all the shit, i’m still happy for my bestfriend. i’m happy that she is feeling what she’s feeling and that she’s experiencing all this. she needs it. and i think it’s about time she reaches this point in her life. she has what i can only dream of at the moment. she already has a real chance on happiness while i’m still totally clueless on where to start. hay… good luck to us talaga!

"titignan pa din kita ng hindi mo nahahalata… mapapa-smile pa din ako ng hindi mo nahahalata…"

haaayyy… *tears*

Waaaahhh!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!! may MTV gimmick ang assers!!! hanging out with PAROKYA NI EDGAR!!! waaaahhhh!!!! i cannot wait!!! kahit saturday morning ito at may pasok na ako! what the hell! i’ll still go! minsan lang naman ako magaabsent ng wala lang eh! actually ngayon lang ako magaabsent ng wala lang! sana talagang literal na "hanging out" ito! sana tipong makakatabi at maamoy ko si chito ganyang level! hahaha!!! at sana magkapicture kami na nakaakbay sha sa akin na ilalagay ko naman sa friendster sabay palit ng status ko to "in a relationship"! ahehe! =P i know, i know… i’m a pathetic fan! i’m guilty as charged! so what?! sue me if you want! =P

i woke up with a heavy head… swollen eyes… and stuffy nose with an empty tissue box beside my pillows. Uugghh… my dad reprimanded me last night… he again made a big deal of a small thing. sobrang bigat pa naman sa puso pag nagagalit si daddy… yung pipigain talaga utak mo sa kakaisip! hay… bad trip!

kanina pala… as we were leaving timezone… i saw someone who i though was him. i felt like my heart stopped for a moment.. like a breath was lodged in my lungs.. like somebody hit me hard on my stomach and there was a sudden spurt of acid inside.. it felt like a hard tug on my guts.. for a second there, i really believed i was seeing him again after…hmmm…almost a year and a half… tagal na! that’s why i was surprised by my reaction. i thought i should have been numb to him by now. and besides, i don’t often think of him anymore. although i admit, thoughts of him still come up once in a while especially when my friends tell me about their lovelife and boylets and when i ponder and whine about my lack of both. my goodness! how pathetic! to think that what we had was really nothing. i mean, as far as romantic relationships go ha… wala naman eh! sobrang wala! hay… Loooorrddd!!! kelan ba??? when will i really totally absolutely completely get over him??? aaaahhhhh!!! =(

but then again, i think it’s not really the person per se that i can’t get over with. i think it’s more the idea. it is the idea that he represents for me. the promise of something that could have been but never was. something that i want so badly and have been waiting for and failed to get. so, you see, he’s become larger than life for me. it is no longer really him that i think of when i think of him. he has become something else. (gets? hay..eto na naman ako sa mga kalabuan ko sa buhay!) i’ll probably never get over it unless i find that again in a different person and fulfill it. and when i do, i wish it will really be something that time… so that i would no longer be as i am now… incessantly wasting energy and brain cells wondering about what could have been when i know very well no possible good will come out of it… because no matter how much thought i put on it, it’s all done… nothing happened… and everything remains an idea inside my head. *sigh* =(

aaahhh!!! how dramatically cheesy! kill me now! please!!! uggghhhh….

i spent the whole afternoon in timezone makati with daddy, kim and kuya mac! almost a thousand lang naman na credits ang naubos namin! wala yata kaming pinalampas na game! ahehe! =P si daddy ang hilig hilig pa sa mga non-computer kiddie games katulad nung mga lumalabas na animals na pupukpukin mo ganyan! saka yung mga funny looking alien na binabaril mo ng light emitting gun para di nila makuha ung energy mo! (in fairness, nakakataranta itong game na to! ang bilis kasi lumapit nung mga aliens eh! hirap i-protect yung energy, saka feeling ko dahil hindi sha computer game, hindi mo lang basta nakikita sa monitor, makikita mo talaga silang literally and physically palapit sayo! ahehe! ang SG ko magexplain! basta yun!) saka yung mini bowling na ang mga katabi naming mga naglalaro ay mga toddlers ganyan! ang hilig pa mamilit magpalaro ng game na ayaw naman naming laruin ni kim katulad nung rapid something game (basta rowing game sha sa parang wild river) kapagod laruin! sumakit arms ko dun! howel, i really had fun though! kahit na ang baba ng score ko parati sa basketball shooting  saka talo ko parati kay kim sa mga racing games! ahehe! =p kim and i had our pictures taken in the neo-print (teka, is it still called that?) booth…twice! ang pangit kasi nung una eh! natataranta kami mamili naubusan tulay ng time at pangit na pictures yung na-select! here’s some of our pictures…

hindi naman kami mashadong galit sa effects noh? haha! si kim kasi eh! ang kulit! ang dami daming gustong ilagay! sobrang puno tuloy yung picture! inis na inis nga sha kasi yung next picture namin, before she can put any additional design na-ok ko na! border lang tuloy ang meron! wala ng ibang ekek! pero maganda naman eh! i actually like it better than the first one! here it is…

aren’t we just beautiful??? haha! kapal! =p

who looks like the ate? sabi ni kuya mac parang si kim pa daw ate ko! aysus! exagge naman! haha!

I watched Madagascar with the assers. it was hilarious! tawa ko ng tawa! or puwede ding kaya lang ako sobrang natatawa kasi katabi ko si pauline na grabe humalakhak! nadadala tuloy ako! kasi sa totoo lang di naman ako mashadong nagandahan! pero maganda! hindi nga lang sobra. gets? basta yun! nakakatawa nga kasi sha saka magaling yung voice actors ( i love the performaces of ben stiller and david schwimmer) but i liked other animated films better, like finding nemo… ice age… etc. I think it’s because Madagascar is really a kiddie-movie. the story’s very simple and the comedy leans more on the slapstick kind saka yung parang laging in a commotion yung mga characters. parang ang gulo-gulo parati. (but then again, what should i expect? the characters are a bunch of almost humanized zoo-raised wild animals suddenly thrown to the jungle, of course they’ll be in a frenzy acting all crazy.) howel, all in all i really enjoyed it! =) basta ang galing talaga nung voice actors! bagay na bagay sila dun sa characters. i could picture the faces of ben stiller and david schwimmer while doing the voice of their characters! stiller’s the energetic, good-hearted but very vain lion while schwimmer’s the nervous freak giraffe. sobrang natatawa ko sa kanila. saka nakakatuwa din yung mga lemurs at saka penguins! ang cute! hehe… =P

anyway, tama ba namang whole day akong LSS sa ‘Pagdating ng Panahon’! kahapon kasi sa PETA workshop, we were taught the different versions of that song. (ewan ko ba bakit yun ang napili nung facilitator pero yun eh!) as in from Baroque to Bossanova to Bebop! ang cool nga eh! nakakalito kasi sobrang iba-iba yung tono ang dali tuloy makalimutan! tapos pag nakalimutan mo yung opening tune di mo na makakanta! you’ll be lost! eh ako pa! eh yung sobrang normal na kanta na nga lang wala na ko sa tono yung ganun pa! aysus! kaya sobrang feat talaga sakin na makanta sha! hayun tuloy! the whole day i’m humming/singing pagdating ng panahon Bossanova and Bebop versions! alternately pa ha! hehe! hirap nung Baroque hindi ko makanta! di ko makuha yung tono kaya dibale na lang! yung dalawa na lang! actually until now nagpplay pa din sha sa mind ko! …sana ay mahalin mo rin, pagdating ng panahon… aysus! Looorrddd!!! hahahaha!

just watched the trailer of Mr. and Mrs. Smith on AXN. i can’t wait to watch it! aaahhhh! sobrang ganda ni angelina jolie!!! sobrang gwapo ni brad pitt!!! hotties sobra!!! i really have to watch this movie! ultimate female celebrity crush ko pa naman si angelina jolie! at shempre sus naman! brad pitt!!! eh sus he’s a god of sex appeal! he’s the man! (*a thought of juju flashes through my mind* oo ju! you’re the man! hahaha!)  ummandar na naman ang dugong lalaki ko kay angelina jolie! hahaha! pero ok lang! may brad pitt naman eh! mababalance out ulit ang aking t-hormones! hehe.. =P  papanoorin ko talaga yun promise! as in if i can, opening day pa lang i’ll watch it agad! hmm… got to find someone to drag along. soon!!!

BroadAss is having a 3-day PETA seminar at UPIS in preparation for DK. kapagod pero cool naman sha! masaya saka magandang training talaga for theatre. ang gawapo pa nung guy facilitator! yun na! ahehe! =P hindi! hindi ko naman sha talaga type pero masarap lang kasi shang titigan! hahaha! yung habang nagsasalita sha at nagbibigay ng instructions or kumakanta, i can’t help but stare. ok sha for me from the neck up! hahaha! tama bang i-isolate ang mukha sa buong katawan?! haha! kasi eh! the way he dresses… he doesn’t look neat… yung hindi fresh tignan… hindi mukang mabango… pero gwapo! saka hindi mashadong maganda yung skin niya… sa face ok lang… pero sa arms may mga marks eh… hindi naman sa gusto ko sobrang makinis na parang babae pero kasi sha parang may mga chicken pox marks na ewan! eh hard as i try to ignore it, nabobother ako! pangit tignan! nagmumuka shang madumi! sayang! pero again, ang gwapo niya! saka ang ganda ng smile niya! yung pag nakita mo parang mappangiti ka na din! saka ang galing niya, he’s just 19 pero nagcoconduct na sha ng ganung training… and even though most of us are older than him, he doesn’t seem intimidated… may authority pa din! teka nasabi ko na ba na gwapo sha??? hahaha! saka pag inakausap ka niya… nakakatunaw sha tumingin! yung straight talaga sa eyes… ayan tuloy! parang namimilipit na si joey kaninang pa-end na at talagang sa kaniya ito nakaharap habang kumakanta ng… "ang pag-ibig ay tulad ng batis…" hahaha! too bad for joey, the guy already has a girlfriend of three years. ang ganda ganda pa daw nung girl! ayun na! all hope is dead! =P

today’s a good day… but part of me is sad. ugghhh… bakit kasi hindi pa— arrgghh!!! kasi naman michico eh! ikaw lang naman gumagawa ng sarili mong problema eh! dami mong hinahanap! hay… i’m the cause of my own misery as well as that of some people around me.

hay… but i just really want to be happy… lintek na happiness kasi yan! asan na ba kasi??? gusto ko ng maramdaman!!! kasi eh! inatake na naman ako ng sobrang pag-iisip! eh ako pa naman pag may naisip ako, wala na! hindi ko na tatantanan yun! two weeks ago, i conjured this idea of what will make me happy… it’s been nagging me ever since that it has become a source of misery. parang ang incomplete ko na tuloy… eh ok naman ako before ko naisip yun! hay… my twisted mind!

sometimes i think maybe where i am now or what i have… is already my happiness… i just don’t know it. maybe if i get that thing that i think will make me happy, it’s then that i will realize that that is not what will make me happy. and that i’m actually happy already before i got it, even before i thought of it! maybe i’m unhappy now simply because i think i should be since i have this idea of what will make me happy which i don’t have and therefore want to have. so i’m simply creating my own ghosts! i’m torturing myself! waaahhh!!! labo ba? basta yun! maybe happiness is simply a state of mind. it’s a personal choice. i read somewhere before: "If you want to be happy… BE." hay… it sounds so simple noh? pero bakit ang hirap i-apply sa buhay? hay…